Caution: Growth in progress (an update)

Blessings everyone, welcome back to Words of Righteousness. 

We’re taking a little break from the Speak Lord series. I felt like giving you guys something lighter so I'm going to give you guys a little life update and perhaps throw in a bit of advice where I can and add some scriptures that helped me.

Proverbs 12:22 - Lying lips are an abomination to the LORD, But those who deal truthfully are His delight.

Transparency is one of the best tools when it comes to things like this, especially as I really want to become a Believer that inspires other believers to continue running this race no matter what. Recently, I had a conversation with my parents that involved me opening up to them about everything that I've done/experienced and the things that happened leading up to me crying out to God and asking for His help back in February 2019. It was a very hard hard conversation to have and guys if I told you the amount of water I consumed during those 40 minutes, you would think my stomach contained the Red Sea that God parted. It was a LOT. That was how nervous I was telling my parents all these things that people our age typically keep a secret from their parents. But the thing that kept me going was that there was an goal: I had to show them what Christ had done for me, through me and in me. Now there is a sense of transparency between my parents and I so I literally cannot hide anything from them because they know EVERYTHING.

I've decided to be transparent about things that I've been struggling with and I'm hoping that me opening up will help someone. These are the things that are very personal to ME but I'm sure everyone can relate to a certain extent.

I really don't like telling people about me, my friends are probably going to read this post then bell up my phone and be like " WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME" - sorry in advance.

Let the unveiling begin. (These are in no particular order by the way)

So, number one on my list is *drumroll please* - my sharp tongue.

I'm very quick with replies. I think of things on the spot. I promise you, before you have finished  coming for me, I have already formulated a nice rebuttal that will end it. It's just a thing that comes with having a quick brain (sorry if I sound vain). This is an issue. I don't really think before I speak which isn't bad IF what comes out of my mouth is nice and edifying BUT when I get heated and I started getting vocal - 

shots will get fired and I'm not really trying to do that anymore. 

I'm really trying to work on it because I don't want to say something that can't be taken back.

James 3:5-6 - 5 Even so the tongue is a little member and boasts great things. See how great a forest a little fire kindles! 6 And the tongue is a fire, a world of iniquity. The tongue is so set among our members that it defiles the whole body, and sets on fire the course of nature; and it is set on fire by hell.

I'm currently reading a book called 'Disciplines of a godly man' and if you follow me on Twitter, you may have seen a few quotes and pictures of pages that I've posted. They really blessed me. There's a chapter called "Disciplines of the Tongue"and R. Kent Hughes (the author) talks through James 3 and elaborates on the metaphor of the tongue as fire and many more. The verses above stuck out to me. I went back to read them in my Bible because it's the image of fire that I can relate to the most. If I say something that is horrible or disrespectful, it will spread damage like wildfire to the person it's aimed at. Proverbs says that words can build a person which means that bad words can also destroy someone. (Ephesians 4:29) I don't know about you, but I don't want to destroy anything (except evil and principalities) because the only person that comes to steal, kill and destroy is satan (John 10:10) and as Christians, we're called to push each other unto good works (Hebrews 10:24). So how can I do that if my mouth is just spewing out insults. It was a hard pill for me to swallow and I am trying my best to make amendments. Pastor David said something that has stuck with me since at January camp - "Don't give God your best, give Him what He wants". Ideally, my "best" is control over my tongue at all times, EXCEPT when I get heated in an argument but that is not what God wants. I have been given a spirit of self control/sound mind (2 Timothy 1:7) so shouldn't I be in control ALL THE TIME?

 If you're going through this too or even something similar eg you've recognized a toxic trait in yourself and now you're working with God to rectify it, rely on Christ and don't give up!

Number two is my biggest one yet - TRUST

Now this is were the transparency gets real. I'm not boasting about this like some people would or making it seem like it's an amazing personality trait, but I, John-Paul, have trust issues. It is bad because it hinders a lot in my life. I live with these daily thoughts in my head :

1)  I wouldn't be shocked if my friends dropped me.

2) Do I really mean that much to people?

3) Don't open up too much to people.

There's more but I don't want to burden anyone with them but you get the gist. Now, from a Christian perspective, it's silly. I spoke to one of my friends about this and I was completely open and I realized that as I was telling them these things, it may come across as offensive. Imagine having a friend that doesn't trust you for no reason. Not that I'm making people who have trust issues the offender BUT as humans you are bound to get hurt. One thing that I was told was that as a CHRISTIAN, not trusting your friends is not trusting God. This may sound wild but hear me out. You see, God loves you SO much that He manifests that love in many ways and one of those ways is giving you friends that can act out that love in the physical. God uses people to comfort you when you're upset, to give you advice when you're lost, or even people just to joke with. Now in my situation this was very applicable because if you remember in one of my earlier posts, I mentioned that I didn't really have that many friends after I gave my life to Christ so I took it up in prayer and then God gave me amazing friends. SO now that God has given me them, why am I not trusting? To be honest, these issues are rooted much deeper than friendships but shouldn't my love and trust in God overshadow it all? Why would God give me unfaithful friends? Even if they decided to 'do me dirty' (I really hate that phrase but I have no other way to put it), my peace should be in Christ not in man. 

So for anyone who may be going through something similar, pray that God helps you put your faith in Him COMPLETELY and only then will you start to get over whatever is holding you back.

I've started small small and I thank God for progress BUT I think the thing that is holding me back is this final thing that I'm going to share with you all. 

I am IMPATIENT

I mean, I can wait but I can't at the same time. When it comes to me needing something like let's say evidence to apply for SFE and my parents haven't done it within the deadline and extension that I have given, I start to get agitated. I have a heightened sense of urgency that I can see annoys people. My friends might be thinking that they've never seen this but I'm sure if you think carefully and reflect, you most certainly have. 

I recently re-did my temperament test because the last time I did it I was Sanguine-Phlegmatic. BUT  I did it this time TWICE (because I was in denial) and I got new result - I am Choleric-Sanguine and this explains a lot. If you haven't done a temperament test and you're not sure what it is (no it is not that demonic zodiac nonsense, GOD FORBID) Google 'temperament quiz' and take it and then read about your result. It will really help you understand more of yourself and is especially helpful in ministry and your walk in Christ.

So yeah, I am Choleric-Sang and this means that I possess a lot of leadership qualities, assertive, very goal orientated etc etc, which probably explains why I get lowkey annoyed when things don't get done on time when I've asked. I am very aware that I may come across as controlling, but I was thinking about this the other day, I concluded that my dislike of clashing heads with people (in fear of heated conversation which will then unleash my fiery tongue) balances it out. When people don't do things within the time limit (for example if we have a group deadline for something) I think I should  just let them take the wrap especially if I've reminded them multiple times (yeah, I'm that friend that will always remind you) because there is only so much I can do before it starts activating my weight.

 As usual though, I have been tackling it with prayer - BUT RECENTLY God has really being trying to snap me out of my impatient self and boy. It. has. been. tough. 

But I love God for telling me about myself because I need it. These are all the things that have been part of me from the get go but we move.

I Googled the definition of patience and WOW, I was convicted. I was exactly the opposite and man it made me stop in my tracks - the capacity to accept or tolerate delay, problems, or suffering without becoming annoyed or anxious.

Now in the context of what has been happening in my life, this hit the nail on the head and then bent it. I cannot tolerate delay without getting annoyed - it isn't within me. But we thank God because I can do all things in Christ who strengthens me :) 

I know that I'm going to look back on all of these things when I'm older and laugh because I know that God is preparing me for something. He's preparing us all. That's why when adversity comes we should count it all joy because at the end of it all, we shall be perfect, complete, LACKING NOTHING (James 1:2-5)

Well, that's all for this post guys. I hope this post has helped you. If anyone is struggling with any of these things or has something else on their minds, please don't hesitate to message me on snap (if that's where you found the link) or on twitter  - click here

GOD BLESS YOU ALL.